Healthy vs "Healthy"

I'm not in a position to be purchasing a whole lot of seriously clean and healthy goodies right now, so I am eating what I have stocked in my cupboard whether it is, sadly, years old or not. But I am doing the best I can. Only because I've been enlightened by the numerous docus on Netflix about our eating habits in America, it feels like every morning I am excited to be eating something delicious while simultaneously panicking about what chemicals I am ingesting. It's a weird push-pull. For instance, I felt I had discovered a winning combination that left me feeling extremely full for like, 6 hours. This does not happen. Acclaimed combo: Fiber One pancake mix, with 2 tbsp of Hemp Organic Protein powder stirred in w/ a little more than a 1/3 cup of lowfat vanilla soy milk and 2 strips of Morningstar Veggie Bacon.

But have you ever looked at the back of the Morningstar veggie bacon box? HAVE YOU. Why is this even called veggie bacon? I feel like veggie should be in quotes, and spelled with like a missing letter, and a k for bacon, "veggi bakon". I saw the word "soy" and "bean", and neither of them were whole soy or whole bean products. Everything had a word after it with too many consonants and not enough vowels. I didn't even look at the back of the Fiber One box, I didn't even want to know. Not to mention when I had that weird rash a few months back on my lady rose, I was using a product faithfully (that was helping, mind you!) when I flipped the bottle over and there might as well have been a pirate skull with a cross through it. It turns out, I didn't even have a rash; aforementioned skull product was giving me the rash. There was some label that advised against some chemical in their product that is outlawed in the state of California because it is a known carcinogen.

Now, I know everyone's obsessive "everything is a carcinogen" phrase they like to use when this topic pops up, but no. You're wrong. Not everything is a carcinogen. We are just fat lazy unhealthy Americans, so everything we like to USE is a god damn carcinogen. I don't feel like in remote villages where they live off the land they are all too worried about whether french fries are a carcinogen (they are), as they munch on their bananas and live til 100.

Fuck this shit. Plus I spilled that powder all over the bathmat and couldn't shake it all out, so I am sure we have trekked that crap all throughout the house and we are going to die of lung cancer and it will be my vaginas fault.

Basically, to summarize: fuck veggi bakon and fuck my vagina(?).